Don't Look Now, But You're Already Being Eaten

I believe that some dinosaurs are the genetic ancestors of birds. Now, I said some. Triceratops, Stegosaurus, Diplodocus and even my beloved T-Rex probably are not hiding inside the genetic code of my Cockatiel. He would probably argue with that, he clearly believes that he is a full blown top-tier predator. Even so, when I look at those wings and those hooked claws dangling on the end of skinny, scaly legs I can't help but see a tiny dinosaur. Look at the footprint of a Raven one day, and then look at the footprint of a big theropod. There are similarities.

One of the most famous of the bird-type dinosaurs is the velociraptor. The first thing that you should know, if you don't by now, is that the velociraptor made famous by Jurassic Park is a lie. Velociraptor was tiny. He may have been quick, but not scary quick like the movies. I am also sure that they didn't systematically attack electric fences or learn how to open doors. But, there were no doors or electricities in the Cretaceous, so what do I know?

Anyway, there is a monster called Utahraptor that may warrant another look. This single specimen found in, well, Utah, is a lot more exciting. Standing at 6 feet tall and sporting the eponymous giant retractable toe claw, this guy would probably hang out in a dark alley. We know that this guy regularly grew to the size of a grizzly bear, but there is speculation that some may have been upwards of 30 feet long.

Now, imagine a 30 foot long bird-like killing machine. It's adorned with a new fashion accessory, feathers. It's slowly moving its head back and forth, allowing its eyes to focus on you better. It's faster and smarter than Tyrannosaurus, and just as large. It is the wave of the future. And in the time that you have been conjuring up the image of this alley dwelling monster it is already eating your legs.

Why did Hollywood forsake our very own, American born raptor for a ridiculous, over sized version of a tiny mouse eater? I guess “velociraptor” just sounds way too cool. Which it does. I'll give them that. But, a whole generation of less educated dinosaur enthusiasts were totally let down by the sad reality of velociraptor. I however, upon seeing the velociraptor's silver screen debut, giggled. I also giggled at the “dilophosaurus,” because, you know, what the fuck was that? Also, I was 9 at the time.