I am 28 years old.
I know people who range in age from 24 to 42. On any given Friday
night I am sitting at home with my fat husband watching American
Pickers and petting my cat. We never go to a party. We really never
go anyplace where the express purpose is drinking. In my world that
kind of thing is something that I “left in college.” Seriously
though, I never did it in college either.
But, I know people,
all 24 to 42 of them, who still occasionally (or frequently) partake
in these activities. They go to parties, get drunk, throw up in a
vase at someone else's house, and pass out. I was black out drunk
once. It was the worse experience of my life. I woke up feeling like
I'd been regurgitated by a pterodactyl.
We don't even have
alcohol in the house. Not because I'm that salty about it, just
because it never occurs to us to buy any. There was a bottle of wine
once, I had a glass, the bottle sat in the fridge for 2 months and I
threw it away. Alcohol doesn't even taste good! Now don't give me the
“then you haven't had good alcohol” nonsense. I have. It was
still gross.
I almost had a dry
wedding. I didn't see the point of spending the extra money. But I
got so much flack from others that I gave in an we had beer and wine.
Therefore, we also had drunk people. Why was this necessary? I didn't
want drunk people, but apparently drunk people are “part of the
experience.” Why?
I don't feel
old as I sit on my microfiber sofa with my dogs watching Antiques
Roadshow and crocheting. In the middle of the day. In a house coat.
Now, take this with a grain of salt, because I also don't own make
up. Or anything that you could wear to a cocktail party. I might in
all actuality just be a stick in the mud. But I just don't see the
point! It's expensive, it tastes bad and it will make you all weird
in the head. And I'm already weird in the head.
